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Thailand | The Best Soapy and Massage Parlors in Bangkok, Pattaya and Phuket

► Thai Soapy Massage | Newbie Massage Guide

Turkish Bath House - Thai-style - and the soapy massage they provide is the classic Bangkok R&R destination. No man’s education should be regarded as complete without sampling the delights of soapy massage in all it's formats. Some places offer a soapy massage on an air-mattress - also known as the Bangkok slide, full body massage, B-Course massage, Tora Tora Massage etc, involving lots of suds, full body contact, and heart-pounding action. This is not offered in all Turkish Bath Houses, but is still available at places. Be aware that this is usually a multiple choice process. Prices also vary according to the establishment. The system of classification also varies, but is often divided into:

  • Standard Massage Girls – Thai or Oil Massage THB 300 - 800 for a two hour session, plus a negotiable fee for extras
     
  • Super, Superstars or Body Massage Girls Cost between THB 1900 – 2500 these are the ones who do the soapy mattress massage - you have to try this!
     
  • Sideline and VIP Girls may also be available in the lounge area, or adjacent to the Fish Bowl THB 2000 – 7000 arguably even more beautiful or younger still…

In almost all cases the fee is all-inclusive! The one notable difference is that the inexpensive Standard (Thai or Oil style) Massage girls will usually be prepared to negotiate a fee, should you by any chance require any additional services.

► Advise Selecting Girls

Take your time!!! The first thing you want to do on entry is find a seat/table, and cool off in the air-conditioning. Relax... order a beer or a juice, and watch the action for a while. Carefully observe the ladies as they interact with the other girls. Personally, I like to select a lady who looks cheerful and animated, as well as attractive. If they are silent and aloof behind the glass, it might not be any better when they come out. Observe the Papasans / Mamasans at work - their role is to help customers pick the "right" girl, and their advice can be worth listening to. Most speak English to some degree. Explain what you like - tall/short, busty, full-figured or petite etc. For example, I always ask for a "small, happy girl, not too young" and tell him/her that I will be happy to tip if I am happy with the lady...

► Tipping at a Soapy Massage Parlor

Although the fee may be all-inclusive, at least half the fee goes to the establishment. Please bear in mind that tipping for great service is the norm, and your selected lady will be expending a great deal of charm and effort to make you happy for two hours. If you had a good time, a fair tip is 2-300 baht – and if you had an extremely enjoyable time, 500 baht could restore the lady’s faith in divine providence and make her very happy indeed! Not only that, but it encourages the ladies to provide good service, and puts them in a good mood – which is good for everyone! The usual time period is 2 hours, and the objective is to relax and enjoy yourself. However, in some places the service for the body massage girls may only be 1.5 hours.

► Treatment of Foreigners

Foreigners and other non East-Asians are welcome at most places. However - in a few places only - it may be up to the discretion of the Papasan - based on criteria that include physical body size, Thai language skills, state of sobriety, and standard of dress.

  • Surcharges are applied for foreigners (non-Asian) in some places and this can increase the cost by upwards of THB 500 -1000 (approx US$12 - $25) over what non-falang are charged (e.g. Caesars, Poseidon etc). It is what it is - so get over it. Wherever you came from, the girls are less attractive and far more expensive!
     
  • Overcharging some places will take advantage of your ignorance of local rates, by attempting to overcharge you e.g. Cleopatra, Mona Lisa and others can/will fleece you in a heartbeat. The best option is to avoid them is: there are plenty of foreigner-friendly places around Bangkok, Phuket and Pattaya.
     
  • Commission some places pay a commission or finders fee to taxi drivers (Mona Lisa, Plaza etc) and this is tacked onto your bill so if you go right to the door by taxi, you must accept you'll be charged more than the standard rates as quoted on massage web sites, soapy massage forums etc.. You are not being overcharged as such - you'll just paying the extra price for being a sucker!

► Inside the Soapy Massage Parlor

The usual format is that on entering the premises, the large and dimly lit foyer will usually contain 4 common elements. A "fishbowl" which displays the ladies, somewhere to sit and have a drink while you get your bearings, staff to assist you in your choice, and to provide refreshments, and a cashiers desk.

The “Fish Bowl” is a well-lit area screened off with glass and containing a number of attractive young ladies, depending on the size of establishment, and the time of day, this could be anything from 10 to 100 women, usually in evening gowns, seated on tiered benches. Each lady has a badge with a number and In some establishments, the ladies may be divided into sections according to their beauty, their particular specialty, or their age. The number range, badge color or an alpha prefix, may determine what type of service she provides.

Tables, if the place serves drinks and food, or chairs only. Take a seat, check out the talent on display, order a cold drink if available. Within a few minutes someone should approach to help you out with the next stage.

Soapy Massage if you had the good sense to choose the 2 hour Body Massage option, the lady of choice will whisk you away upstairs to the appointed room. This will be furnished with 2 essential items; a big bed, and a big bath and tiled area, and hopefully an inflatable rubber mattress. Mirrors are a feature in most places. While the bath is running, drink orders are organized – make sure you order a drink for your lady as well as yourself! From this point onwards, you are on your own… you lucky bastard! If you picked two ladies... well, we just hope you live through the experience!

► Best Timing

The best time to go is between 14:00 h - 18:00 h during the week. Before 14:00 h only a few girls have arrived and the choice is limited. From 18:00 h - 20:00 h are peak hours with lots of customers and the prettiest girls are usually busy. After 20:00 h the prettiest girls are booked or tired. Avoid the last hour because the girls want nothing else than to go home. In addition try to avoid weekends because the parlors are busy.

► Payments

You'll pay upfront for a full package

► Ratchada - the Massage Parlor Strip of Bangkok

Ratchada is a large avenue, north of the downtown core with many hotels, convention center and.... massage parlors. Some of them are as luxurious as the hotels around and they usually feature a bar, sometimes a restaurant and a stage with a live band. Locals, Japanese and Korean expats are the main customers.

► Nuru Massage

A full body-to-body massage performed by a half naked masseuse on a naked customer, using a special type of massage gel. The gel is transparent, tasteless, odorless, smooth and extremely slippery.

Thursday, April 24, 2014